You Are Not the Father!

Actress, Sanaa Lathan and her father.

Disclaimer: As a Single Parent Advocate, I know I'm about to upset a few ladies out there, but this needs to be stated:

Each year, I find myself needing to post a PSA on my social networks to remind my friends, that although I am a hard working single mother, I am not my child’s father!  I find it quite befuddling to see “Fathers Day” cards in my favorite local shops, not just for deserving fathers, but also in celebration of mothers-as fathers.

Ironically, I haven’t heard of the issue arising on Mother’s Day, with a variety of cards celebrating fathers-as mothers.  Why the confusion?  Yes, I know there are plenty of single mothers out there, but let’s not get it twisted.  And let’s not take offense, because we only serve the role of  “mothers.”  I can’t speak for everyone (and don't intend to), but being a mother is one of the most difficult, and most rewarding jobs in the world!  There is no way I would like to double my duties by playing both roles.  I consider myself a wonderful mother!  I love my son, keep him fed, clothed, teach him about morals and values…I pour my heart into the rearing of my child and will do anything for him.  However, teaching him how to be a man is not in my power.  There are simply some things he will learn best from his father.

For those who take the privilege of celebrating their efforts on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, as if it is a badge of courage, what message does this send to your children?  Especially your little boys/young men, who will grow to be fathers one day?

Single mothers are strong women, and are charged with the arduous task of providing and utilizing their time, as if there were two parents present-but this is not to be misconstrued with playing the role of “father.”

I understand that all single mothers are not fortunate to have positive co-parenting relationships-it takes work, but is definitely in the best interest of the child(ren)!  Some children’s fathers may no longer be on this earth, or simply just not around.  Thus, I encourage those mothers to seek a male mentor in the community, to serve as a positive image of a man, for their child to follow.  And if this is the situation, celebrate your child’s mentor on Father’s Day, just as women who are mother figures are celebrated in May.

Whatever you do, please let the men have their day, as we had our’s with no issues.  Feel free to show your father some love, by leaving him a message in the comments, add a photo if you'd like!

Oh, and do not wish me a happy Father’s Day.

In the words of baby Sinclair, “Happy Not the Momma’s Day!”